The Envelope Please....

Well, today is the day. The letters with the Board results are mailed out this morning. Okay Caesar, is the thumb up or down? I REALLY don't want to go into the arena again. Despite the early indications, actually seeing the answer in black and white under the appropriate letterhead is the only way that my blood pressure will begin normalizing.
I could use some good news after the events of yesterday. Due to factors beyond my control, I resigned my commision on Tuesday. My civilian practice has lost a partner and there will no longer be sufficient time to participate in the Air Guard. My remaining partners would be severely affected if a call-up occurred and it is simply not fair to place them in that position. It is as if a very important part of me has been removed. There is a sense of nakedness without my military ID card. For the last eight years it has never been farther than my back pocket. Sounds juvenile but I really don't know how else to explain it. There is no real upside to having a military obligation in civilain life. There are no special clubs or perks. We are just a group of people willing to submit to a higher authority in order to help our country and fellow man. And lest ye read too much into this, it ain't religion. Bush and Rumsfeld are not new members of the Trinity, at least in my eyes. While my Christianity is held near to my heart and to my intellect, it remains something else altogether. And the topic of a whole other post. When called to the Desert I went for the same reason that millions have gone over the past 2000 years....my friends and comrades needed me. When called to Katrina, I went because I had a unique skill that was needed in my former hometown. Those Guardsmen and women that were with me inspired me to be a better man than I would be in the usual 'civilian' world. Its about being part of something bigger than oneself. No, one may not personally believe in a war or in the way that relief is being carried out but you are an intelligent individual who can put a personal face on the ordered action and make it better than it would have been without you there. All of us did and we and the nation are better for it. The fact that my name will no longer be on the roster to be called to assist has left a hole in my heart and my soul.